Anxiety Sucks!!

That swirly emotional rollercoaster that is known as anxiety rears it's ugly head at the most innocuous of times. It takes over your brain and you can't seem to make the whirlpool stop. You try to make rational arguments against irrational thoughts and it doesn't seem to help. You try to drain the tub of fears by pulling the plug, and that only makes the whirlpool stronger. You try to put your hand into the swirling quagmire to slow it down, and that helps for a little bit, but as soon as you take your hand out it speeds up again. The adrenaline kicks in and your are ready to run out the door just to get away from the obsequious "IT"; your heart pounds, your brain lacks focus, your ears can't make sense of what it's hearing, you feel like the world is falling in around you...it's all a confusing mass of sensory overload!The only thing that seems to work is to ride it out. You dip your head into the toilet of turbulence and get the swirly over and done with. Reaching out to family and friends can sometimes work, but only if you can reach out to the right people. It's hard to reach out though...for fear of being though a "drama queen" or worse, to be thought you're crazy. Deep down I know that my loved ones will never think of me that way...but, the irrationality, that's all part of it...innit?

Most anxiety ridden days are better than others, but then there are the days when there is just one too many things to worry about...to fatalize...to make into bigger mountains than they really are. These past couple days have been those days for me. He's away and there are any numerous horrible things that could happen, even though I know that it's statistically improbable. I am afraid of the dark, so the poor landlord's electricity bill might go up a little bit this month...so now I worry about putting someone else out financially. I'm going travelling and am not the best flyer in the world...that adds on to the furry fear. Then of course, there are the hormones...little knives of chemicals that stab into the parts of my brain that let the fears bleed through. Stupid hormones. And to top it all off, there are life's normal stressors. It's all sometimes just too much to be able to BE NORMAL.

Today I am feeling more like a duck out of water, than a duck who can let it all just roll off her back. In the end, I know I will be fine...I just need to ride this wave out...like I do all the others...