A lady is admired, not for her dress, but for her style.
A lady is known, not for her gentility, but for her gentleness.
A lady is recognized, not for her walk, but by those with whom she walks.
A lady is praised, not for the words she knows, but for the words she uses.
A lady is acknowledged, not for the party she gives, but for the warmth she brings.
A lady is acclaimed, not for the generosity of her wallet, but for the openness of her heart.
A lady is more than the image; she is depth, she is empathy, she is strength, she is spirit.
She is a woman.
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Past Post - September 19, 2009
These days there have been a lot of "sometimes" moments...
Sometimes I look at my life and know that I have made some great choices.
Sometimes I look at my love and think how I wonderfully cared for, and accepted, I am.
Sometimes I look at my body and think it ain't that bad.
Then there are sometimes I look at my life and wonder what is going to go wrong.
And then sometimes I look at my love and wonder if I'm "good enough" for him.
And then I look at my body, think about where I was a year ago, and I think I have my answers.
Sometimes I think it's ok that I'm not the "ideal weight" and sometimes I hate that I'm not there.
I want to get there again and stay there, but do I want to do it with 1200-1500 calories and 2-3 hours of high exercise a day? Is there a balance? What is that balance for me? Why does everything I put in my mouth have to be a calculation of what it's going to do to my blood glucose levels, and if there is enough fibre? Does it all come down to PCOS and insulin resistance? Am I making excuses? I want to just be "normal" when I think about my weight and body. I live a healthy life now, great blood pressure, great heart rate, don't get winded going up the stairs, etc etc etc. But I know I need to exercise more. But is that all there is to it? And that's where I get stuck. Why do I have to dedicate at least two hours, everyday, of intense cardio to get back to that place? What if I just do the "normal" 1 hour a day? Where does that get me? What makes me different? Why do I have to be different that way? And then I think, haven't I always been that way?
When I was a kid, I wore the "husky" clothes from Sears. When I was 8 I wore size 28 (women's) pants. When I was 12 I was the tallest kid in the class. When I was a teenager I was always told that "she" was 128 pounds when "she" was my age, and that I weighed too much. When I was 20 I had to go through basic training, to get to "her" desired weight. When I was 30 I was told that I need to be careful of how much weight I'm putting on. When I was 36 I was told I was beautiful after losing 40 pounds. How much of all my "stuff" is me, and how much of it is someone else? I'm not blaming anyone...I know what I have to do. I just want to not always be thinking about it and worried what's going to be said to me the next time.
Sometimes I just want to not have it be such a big deal.
Sometimes I look at my life and know that I have made some great choices.
Sometimes I look at my love and think how I wonderfully cared for, and accepted, I am.
Sometimes I look at my body and think it ain't that bad.
Then there are sometimes I look at my life and wonder what is going to go wrong.
And then sometimes I look at my love and wonder if I'm "good enough" for him.
And then I look at my body, think about where I was a year ago, and I think I have my answers.
Sometimes I think it's ok that I'm not the "ideal weight" and sometimes I hate that I'm not there.
I want to get there again and stay there, but do I want to do it with 1200-1500 calories and 2-3 hours of high exercise a day? Is there a balance? What is that balance for me? Why does everything I put in my mouth have to be a calculation of what it's going to do to my blood glucose levels, and if there is enough fibre? Does it all come down to PCOS and insulin resistance? Am I making excuses? I want to just be "normal" when I think about my weight and body. I live a healthy life now, great blood pressure, great heart rate, don't get winded going up the stairs, etc etc etc. But I know I need to exercise more. But is that all there is to it? And that's where I get stuck. Why do I have to dedicate at least two hours, everyday, of intense cardio to get back to that place? What if I just do the "normal" 1 hour a day? Where does that get me? What makes me different? Why do I have to be different that way? And then I think, haven't I always been that way?
When I was a kid, I wore the "husky" clothes from Sears. When I was 8 I wore size 28 (women's) pants. When I was 12 I was the tallest kid in the class. When I was a teenager I was always told that "she" was 128 pounds when "she" was my age, and that I weighed too much. When I was 20 I had to go through basic training, to get to "her" desired weight. When I was 30 I was told that I need to be careful of how much weight I'm putting on. When I was 36 I was told I was beautiful after losing 40 pounds. How much of all my "stuff" is me, and how much of it is someone else? I'm not blaming anyone...I know what I have to do. I just want to not always be thinking about it and worried what's going to be said to me the next time.
Sometimes I just want to not have it be such a big deal.
Past Post - February 10, 2008
Thoughts...
I feel like I want to write words, but I am unable to write them; things I feel like saying, but no way to say them. But even in the writing, or the saying, what can really be accomplished? Who is listening? Are these things that are in my mind even meant to be brought to light?
There are days in life that are more...just "more"...than other days. We all have them, and we all survive, and some of them we even enjoy. I guess there are times in our lives when there are more of these "more" days in a row. The thing is...how much more do I need to do? How much more do I have to handle? How much more is there going to be?
To escape, there is the dream. The dream of what it is going to be; the dream of what might be. It is wonderful when the two dreams are the same, but it can also be more wonderful when the dream of what might be has nothing to do with what is to be. That is the true escape. The escape from the life that is being built; the life that is the "more" that is causing all the words that want to be said. Any vacation is a good vacation. Even if it's just while you are standing, naked, in the shower as you start your day, imagining the life that might have been. Any time away can give you the energy to carry on with what needs to be done, no matter how much more there is to do.
I feel like I want to write words, but I am unable to write them; things I feel like saying, but no way to say them. But even in the writing, or the saying, what can really be accomplished? Who is listening? Are these things that are in my mind even meant to be brought to light?
There are days in life that are more...just "more"...than other days. We all have them, and we all survive, and some of them we even enjoy. I guess there are times in our lives when there are more of these "more" days in a row. The thing is...how much more do I need to do? How much more do I have to handle? How much more is there going to be?
To escape, there is the dream. The dream of what it is going to be; the dream of what might be. It is wonderful when the two dreams are the same, but it can also be more wonderful when the dream of what might be has nothing to do with what is to be. That is the true escape. The escape from the life that is being built; the life that is the "more" that is causing all the words that want to be said. Any vacation is a good vacation. Even if it's just while you are standing, naked, in the shower as you start your day, imagining the life that might have been. Any time away can give you the energy to carry on with what needs to be done, no matter how much more there is to do.
Finding our Family
Well we've started the journey to find our family; we've started the adoption process. Why adoption do you ask? Well, my doctors tell me that I'm not able to have kids, or at the very least it would be very, very difficult and would require a lot of intervention and drugs. I've got Polycystic Ovaries, and the doctors think I'm going through menopause - not perimenopause - but full on menopause. I think they are wrong. Everytime I go through a no-period period of a few months, I can usually bring it back with herbal supplements and vitamins and minerals. I also seem to have managed to get the PCOS under control using these same herbals, vitamins and minerals! Go figure!! However, I'm still not getting pregnant. As for the whole fertility treatments - it's not for me. I've had so many problems with my hormones and with my weight that I really don't want to put my body, or my sanity, through all that!!! Not to mention that there is NO WAY that we can afford the procedures! If I remember correctly, Alberta is the least expensive in the country (for those provinces where people still pay for it), but at $6000-ish a "pop" it's out of our reach. Maybe if we end up getting posted to Quebec I'll consider that option - but not right now!!
There's been so many emotions that have come along with this journey, and it's been hard to sort them all out and figure out where they are coming from. My therapist is helping me do that. I'm starting to come to the realization that hope is okay, and I don't need to be afraid of it. I'm also figuring out that it's also okay to be realistic, so long as it doesn't get negative. Does that mean that miracles can't happen? Nope! But it does mean that I can't obssess over it, or constantly wish and pray for it. I have to remember to live my life on one path...not four. I have to go with the decisions I've made and live my life with confidence. I've made the decisions I have for a reason. The hard part is trying to figure out when "enough is enough"...have I done enough, have I tried enough, have I explored all the options? I know I've explored all the options, but not all of them are right, or possible, for me...at least not right now. I'm working on keeping the hope in my life, without letting the result become an obsession...I will get what I want, one way or another, and I have to let the journey take it's course without trying to control every step. Steps have to be natural...I have to let them "be"...
There's been so many emotions that have come along with this journey, and it's been hard to sort them all out and figure out where they are coming from. My therapist is helping me do that. I'm starting to come to the realization that hope is okay, and I don't need to be afraid of it. I'm also figuring out that it's also okay to be realistic, so long as it doesn't get negative. Does that mean that miracles can't happen? Nope! But it does mean that I can't obssess over it, or constantly wish and pray for it. I have to remember to live my life on one path...not four. I have to go with the decisions I've made and live my life with confidence. I've made the decisions I have for a reason. The hard part is trying to figure out when "enough is enough"...have I done enough, have I tried enough, have I explored all the options? I know I've explored all the options, but not all of them are right, or possible, for me...at least not right now. I'm working on keeping the hope in my life, without letting the result become an obsession...I will get what I want, one way or another, and I have to let the journey take it's course without trying to control every step. Steps have to be natural...I have to let them "be"...
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Around and around
Emotions swirl in my head like the wet paint splatters on a spinning card. It's all mixed up into one picture and I can't make any sense of it. I want to be able to explain, I want to be able to make it okay. Nothing is what it seems anymore - at least that's the way it seems. I need you to say that you get it, that you understand - even if you don't mean it I will believe you. I don't want you to change, I don't want you to give in - I only want you to understand and think that maybe it will make a difference.
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
PCOS Saga - Sharing What I've Learned
First I would like to clarify that I'm not a doctor, and all this information is based on my own research, discussions with doctors, and what my own experiences have been. Please make sure you do your own research.
OK Ladies - so here it is. This is some of what I've learned over that past three years that has worked for me...I hope you will be able to take away from it what you can and use it to make your own successes.
Part 1 - Herbals, vitamins and minerals
Here is a link to a webpage I found that has a handy dandy list of vitamin/mineral/herbal supplements that are supposed to help alleviate symptoms of PCOS. I've concentrated on the ones that help with hormonal imbalance/infertility as those are my most prevalent symptoms. However, I have noticed, for myself, that I have also had hair regrowth (where I want it and not where I don't), less acne, nicer nails and and a general sense of increased well-being. Look at the list, see what supplements fall under what symptoms you would like to see improved and then do your own research (I'll provide a couple websites that are good for research as well). I try to keep it as natural as I can - I have found that Planet Organic has the best prices.
I take the following vitamins and minerals - Omega 3-6-9, B 100 Complex, Calcium, Vitamin D, Choline & Inositol, PABA, Chromium, prenatal multi-vitamin (higher levels of folate and a few other ingredients that aren't found in "regular" multivitamins).
I also take herbal supplements - Vitex, Brad King's Her Energy, Brad King's Lean Energy
Websites:
List of supplements - http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/supplements.html
Brad King Products - http://www.fatwars.com/
Websites for supplement research (Wikipedia is GREAT too!!) - http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/dhp-mps/prodnatur/applications/licen-prod/monograph/index-eng.php
Part 2 - Lifestyle (aka diet & exercise - I know, I know... it sucks)
After all the research I've done about diet and how our bodies process food - this of course means that I've read what other people have written on the subject - and now from personal experience, the most effective lifestyle (no more saying the word "diet") is eating smaller meals more often through out the day. Two weeks ago, I purchased a little book titled "Flat Belly Diet Plan" that shows you how to eat "mediterranean style" with north american food. The first four days (a jumpstart plan) I lost almost two inches around my middle!! Short that I couldn't wear on my vacation I could fit into again!! I have since continued on this plan, and have been noticing changes still, though not as quickly - and I'm ok with that!! Today I was able to wear pants that I wasn't able to last month. Awesome!!! This could technically be called a low Glycemic Index diet, but really it's just a smart plan that includes foods from ALL food groups, in smaller portions, and includes a portion of a Mono-Unstaturated Fatty Acid (MUFA) such as seeds, nuts, avocados and YES!! even dark chocolate! You eat four small (around 400 calories) meals a day, of healthy, as-natural-as possible foods. Imagine a plan that MAKES you eat dark chocolate!! There is another plan out there that pretty much gives you the same style of eating called "Eat Clean" - however they have you eating 5 times a day - every 2 hours. I tried that way once, but I eneded up putting on pounds and that was because of one thing...your body needs at least 2 hours to decide if the carbohydrate you take in (breads, fruits, vegetables, grains, etc.) is going to be used up as energy or stored as fat. Because our insulin works slower than the "normal" person's, we need an extra hour to have our bodies make that decision and start to use the food as energy instead of storing it as fat. So I like the idea of eating four times a day - every 3 hours (2 and a half if you can't hold out LOL). Now here's the part about exercise - you don't need to be a gym fanatic :o). All you need to do is get anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes a day. That's it! And all you have to do is walk at a decent pace. If you want to do more than that, because you like to and it makes you feel good, then that's AWESOME! I'm envious!! However, for those of you who just like to get out and be active - walking is a great option. You can even step it up a notch (pun intended) and add weights to your ankles or hands. Just get out there!
So I hope you are able to get some usefullness out of what I've put up here, or at least it gives you a starting point to do your own looking into. Good Luck ladies!! It's a jungle out there, and when you're hormones are raging, and everyone gets on your nerves, people just better pray there isn't a machete near by!! :o)
OK Ladies - so here it is. This is some of what I've learned over that past three years that has worked for me...I hope you will be able to take away from it what you can and use it to make your own successes.
Part 1 - Herbals, vitamins and minerals
Here is a link to a webpage I found that has a handy dandy list of vitamin/mineral/herbal supplements that are supposed to help alleviate symptoms of PCOS. I've concentrated on the ones that help with hormonal imbalance/infertility as those are my most prevalent symptoms. However, I have noticed, for myself, that I have also had hair regrowth (where I want it and not where I don't), less acne, nicer nails and and a general sense of increased well-being. Look at the list, see what supplements fall under what symptoms you would like to see improved and then do your own research (I'll provide a couple websites that are good for research as well). I try to keep it as natural as I can - I have found that Planet Organic has the best prices.
I take the following vitamins and minerals - Omega 3-6-9, B 100 Complex, Calcium, Vitamin D, Choline & Inositol, PABA, Chromium, prenatal multi-vitamin (higher levels of folate and a few other ingredients that aren't found in "regular" multivitamins).
I also take herbal supplements - Vitex, Brad King's Her Energy, Brad King's Lean Energy
Websites:
List of supplements - http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/supplements.html
Brad King Products - http://www.fatwars.com/
Websites for supplement research (Wikipedia is GREAT too!!) - http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/dhp-mps/prodnatur/applications/licen-prod/monograph/index-eng.php
Part 2 - Lifestyle (aka diet & exercise - I know, I know... it sucks)
After all the research I've done about diet and how our bodies process food - this of course means that I've read what other people have written on the subject - and now from personal experience, the most effective lifestyle (no more saying the word "diet") is eating smaller meals more often through out the day. Two weeks ago, I purchased a little book titled "Flat Belly Diet Plan" that shows you how to eat "mediterranean style" with north american food. The first four days (a jumpstart plan) I lost almost two inches around my middle!! Short that I couldn't wear on my vacation I could fit into again!! I have since continued on this plan, and have been noticing changes still, though not as quickly - and I'm ok with that!! Today I was able to wear pants that I wasn't able to last month. Awesome!!! This could technically be called a low Glycemic Index diet, but really it's just a smart plan that includes foods from ALL food groups, in smaller portions, and includes a portion of a Mono-Unstaturated Fatty Acid (MUFA) such as seeds, nuts, avocados and YES!! even dark chocolate! You eat four small (around 400 calories) meals a day, of healthy, as-natural-as possible foods. Imagine a plan that MAKES you eat dark chocolate!! There is another plan out there that pretty much gives you the same style of eating called "Eat Clean" - however they have you eating 5 times a day - every 2 hours. I tried that way once, but I eneded up putting on pounds and that was because of one thing...your body needs at least 2 hours to decide if the carbohydrate you take in (breads, fruits, vegetables, grains, etc.) is going to be used up as energy or stored as fat. Because our insulin works slower than the "normal" person's, we need an extra hour to have our bodies make that decision and start to use the food as energy instead of storing it as fat. So I like the idea of eating four times a day - every 3 hours (2 and a half if you can't hold out LOL). Now here's the part about exercise - you don't need to be a gym fanatic :o). All you need to do is get anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes a day. That's it! And all you have to do is walk at a decent pace. If you want to do more than that, because you like to and it makes you feel good, then that's AWESOME! I'm envious!! However, for those of you who just like to get out and be active - walking is a great option. You can even step it up a notch (pun intended) and add weights to your ankles or hands. Just get out there!
So I hope you are able to get some usefullness out of what I've put up here, or at least it gives you a starting point to do your own looking into. Good Luck ladies!! It's a jungle out there, and when you're hormones are raging, and everyone gets on your nerves, people just better pray there isn't a machete near by!! :o)
Saturday, 8 May 2010
Good-Bye to You...
I've finally done it - I've realized that I can't let you hurt me anymore. I'm done with you...but before I go I have a few things to say to you.
At best I was a convenience to you, at worst you despised me. At best you paid me lip service, at worst you showed me your true feelings, behind closed doors. No more do I let you turn my life upside down. I'm done with you whittling away at all the good parts of me. I'm done letting you treat me like less than dirt on your shoes, and I'm done making excuses for you. You weren't the man I deserved. I don't care if you've changed, it makes no difference to me, the point is that you were mean, hurtful, dismissive, and abusive to me. And while you said you were sorry, I don't belive you were sorry for your actions. I believe you were sorry because you lost what you had.
So now I'm moving on to all the happiness that I have MADE FOR MYSELF. I didn't fall into it, I looked for it, found it, and made it my own. You will never, ever, take that away from me again.
Good Bye...I'm done.
At best I was a convenience to you, at worst you despised me. At best you paid me lip service, at worst you showed me your true feelings, behind closed doors. No more do I let you turn my life upside down. I'm done with you whittling away at all the good parts of me. I'm done letting you treat me like less than dirt on your shoes, and I'm done making excuses for you. You weren't the man I deserved. I don't care if you've changed, it makes no difference to me, the point is that you were mean, hurtful, dismissive, and abusive to me. And while you said you were sorry, I don't belive you were sorry for your actions. I believe you were sorry because you lost what you had.
So now I'm moving on to all the happiness that I have MADE FOR MYSELF. I didn't fall into it, I looked for it, found it, and made it my own. You will never, ever, take that away from me again.
Good Bye...I'm done.
Friday, 23 April 2010
PCOS Saga: Doctors...that's why they call it a "practice"
Ok - so I can't take complete credit for that little quip in the title...I have to give credit where credit is due. After expressing my dismay and disgust upon returning from my doctor's appointment, that was the line he gave me. And you know what? He's right! For all the doctor's that I have been to in my life, each one has a different view, approach and style. This latest one just happened to think I was a total nut-bar, and was extremely dismissive. Now, the nut-bar part...sure! I'll own that one - in my own special way, I am...but hey, aren't we all?!? But dismissive?! Nunh-unh...not happening. If he had maybe taken more than the 5 minutes he did the first time I saw him, and the 30 seconds he took this time, then maybe I might be a little less annoyed. However, the man doesn't even know my history. So I'm going to go in for the last blood tests that he wants, get those answers and then I'm going to tell him that I no longer need his services and will be seeking a second opinion, so could he please send me my file. I'm also going to go back to my family doctor (who referred me to him) and let her know that he wasn't helpful at all, and more than that he was disrespectful.
So here's the back story...I've got PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome). It's a series of non-specific symptoms (hence the "syndrome") that "wreak havoc, and cry war" on my hormones, ovaries, and body in general that cause: infertility, male pattern hair loss, acne, weight gain (very quick to acquire and difficult to lose), insulin resistance (though some experts say it's the insulin resistance that causes the PCOS - but no definitive proof at this time), anxiety/depression, and anything else that is governed by your hormones! It's messy!!!! I've been dealing with the effects of this "thing" since I was about 15 years old, but I've only been trying to figure it out for the past three years. There are so many factors to this that it has been hard to get a hold of it. However, I'm starting to get it sorted.
As a bit of a simplified explanation of the insulin resistance, which is the biggest health factor, here is what I have been able to come up with so far. The body is unable to efficiently use the insulin produced by the pancreas, which turns the glucose in your blood into usable energy for the cells, because the insulin receptors are "lazy" or only a certain number of them are actually functioning - they don't know that part yet either. What this then does is create a lot of extra glucose floating around in the blood, which is filtered through the liver. When the liver encounters extra glucose, it turns it into "fat" and your body stores it - usually in those horribly unwanted areas such as the hips, thighs, and stomach. Though some women, such as myself, store it EVERYWHERE. Why can't it just go to our boobs and we'll just keep buying bras and secretly loving the drooling stares from the men-folk? Seriously unfair!! Here's another really unfair part - compared to a "normal", or more accurately, a "non-suffering" woman, it takes half the time to put the weight on, and twice as long to take it off. What causes that condundrum is that pesky insulin resistance again!! Bugger!!! So when you exercise, you need the insulin to convert your glucose to energy, right? Well, what if you're insulin isn't working? What is your body feeding on? It's not feeding on the fat, because there is loads of glucose floating around still...so it takes twice as long for your body to get through all the glucose, because of the lazy insulin receptors, which means that, instead of the 30 minutes you need to get into a good "fat burn" you need an hour! Sucks!!! However, while that part is shitty, what is equally important is...dunh, dunh, DUNH....your food intake!!! Yes folks, it really is all about diet and exercise - CRAP!!! In some respects, it's almost like having diabetes, but you don't take insulin shots, because you have enough insulin that isn't working very well! So step one - get your exercise at least three times a week - and seriously YOU ONLY NEED TO WALK!!!!! - if you can't do the 60 minutes, then work your way up to 45 minutes. You'll notice a difference - I swear. The next steps, and the next blog, will be about food intake - that was a lot more difficult to figure out!!!
Take care peeps!!
So here's the back story...I've got PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome). It's a series of non-specific symptoms (hence the "syndrome") that "wreak havoc, and cry war" on my hormones, ovaries, and body in general that cause: infertility, male pattern hair loss, acne, weight gain (very quick to acquire and difficult to lose), insulin resistance (though some experts say it's the insulin resistance that causes the PCOS - but no definitive proof at this time), anxiety/depression, and anything else that is governed by your hormones! It's messy!!!! I've been dealing with the effects of this "thing" since I was about 15 years old, but I've only been trying to figure it out for the past three years. There are so many factors to this that it has been hard to get a hold of it. However, I'm starting to get it sorted.
As a bit of a simplified explanation of the insulin resistance, which is the biggest health factor, here is what I have been able to come up with so far. The body is unable to efficiently use the insulin produced by the pancreas, which turns the glucose in your blood into usable energy for the cells, because the insulin receptors are "lazy" or only a certain number of them are actually functioning - they don't know that part yet either. What this then does is create a lot of extra glucose floating around in the blood, which is filtered through the liver. When the liver encounters extra glucose, it turns it into "fat" and your body stores it - usually in those horribly unwanted areas such as the hips, thighs, and stomach. Though some women, such as myself, store it EVERYWHERE. Why can't it just go to our boobs and we'll just keep buying bras and secretly loving the drooling stares from the men-folk? Seriously unfair!! Here's another really unfair part - compared to a "normal", or more accurately, a "non-suffering" woman, it takes half the time to put the weight on, and twice as long to take it off. What causes that condundrum is that pesky insulin resistance again!! Bugger!!! So when you exercise, you need the insulin to convert your glucose to energy, right? Well, what if you're insulin isn't working? What is your body feeding on? It's not feeding on the fat, because there is loads of glucose floating around still...so it takes twice as long for your body to get through all the glucose, because of the lazy insulin receptors, which means that, instead of the 30 minutes you need to get into a good "fat burn" you need an hour! Sucks!!! However, while that part is shitty, what is equally important is...dunh, dunh, DUNH....your food intake!!! Yes folks, it really is all about diet and exercise - CRAP!!! In some respects, it's almost like having diabetes, but you don't take insulin shots, because you have enough insulin that isn't working very well! So step one - get your exercise at least three times a week - and seriously YOU ONLY NEED TO WALK!!!!! - if you can't do the 60 minutes, then work your way up to 45 minutes. You'll notice a difference - I swear. The next steps, and the next blog, will be about food intake - that was a lot more difficult to figure out!!!
Take care peeps!!
Sunday, 18 April 2010
Here we go again!!
So if I had to go back and pick the day when everything changed for me, I couldn't. It wasn't a day, there wasn't the Oprah-esque "Ah Ha!" moment, and there wasn't a sign from God. To be honest, it was nothing spectacular and yet...it was awesome none-the-less. All that was required was a shift - a shift of focus...a shift of attitude. With each shift came a new awareness. I was aware of how I was feeling, of who I am, of who I wanted to be, and how I can get there. But holy smokes - I was not prepared for all the "things" that would be coming up for me! It's been a couple years of low-level ("it's not so bad") to high-level ("get me the hell outta here") stresses. But amazingly enough, and just like everyone says...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. At this rate, I'm destined to be the next Wonder Woman!!!
My goal here is to talk about what I've been going through, and maybe make some sense of it all. Right now it's still all just jumbled thoughts, emotions and decisions running around in my heart and head. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to help someone else who is going through some "stuff" in their life.
I look forward to posting, and if I'm lucky, then I will have some folks following me along in my journey who will give me a different perspective on things. Although, speaking of lucky - I am very lucky to already have the people in my life that I do - especially my wonderful husband - he is the best decision I ever made.
My goal here is to talk about what I've been going through, and maybe make some sense of it all. Right now it's still all just jumbled thoughts, emotions and decisions running around in my heart and head. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to help someone else who is going through some "stuff" in their life.
I look forward to posting, and if I'm lucky, then I will have some folks following me along in my journey who will give me a different perspective on things. Although, speaking of lucky - I am very lucky to already have the people in my life that I do - especially my wonderful husband - he is the best decision I ever made.
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