Soulmates

Last week I had a really rough call that put me in to a bit of a tailspin and put a few things back in to perspective, providing some much needed clarification and a reminder that life is good when you have your "people", your soulmates, around you.

 

 

 

Your soulmate can be a bestie, a BFF, family, a new friend, an old friend, a lover...anyone who inspires you, challenges you, makes you laugh, lets you cry, lets you know when you messed up, and supports you through good times and bad. Don't let these people go. 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is short...don't ever forget that. One day you may come home and your loved one is gone...just like that, unexpectedly and devastatingly. You had no idea this was coming and over the next while you will run through all the thoughts in your mind of what was said, not said, done or not done. The regret that you didn't take the time you wanted to, or should have. Please, don't wait, don't hesitate. 

 

 

 

Tell them you love them. Kiss them because you want to let them know they are loved. Touch them. Hug them a little bit tighter, that one last time before you go. Laugh with them, joke around, smile with your eyes, allow yourself the pure joy of being in their presence. Cuddle with them. Share what you have when you can, and if you can't, then help them get what they need. Share their passions, help them find theirs if they don't know what that is yet. Have three hour conversations on the phone, or face to face. Challenge them, be challenged by them. Help them find strength through  their struggles reminding them that, while this fucking sucks right now, they are not alone. Inspire them and be inspired by them. Get drunk with them, fall down the stairs and let them laugh at you. Go on adventures together. Get tattoos, take a silent road trip, sing songs together, play games, tell stories around the fire. Compare scars, the visible and invisible. Tell them your secrets, listen to theirs. Open your heart to them. Let them see your vulnerability, don't shy away from theirs. Just...love them, unconditionally.

 

 

 

 

To my soulmates - I will meet you...wherever you are. I see you...just as you are.  I love you...just as you are meant to be.

What Facebook Has Done For Me...a.k.a. My Year in Review

Of all the things that Facebook is to me, the one thing that it most assuredly does do is allow me to reflect upon my past year with some objectivity and perspective. Facebook has conveniently put out a little app that reviews 2012 for you in a package of photos, statuses, events or timeline posts. Logically, I know that an algorithm looks for key words (such as wedding, family, friends, etc.) but when thought of in a more philosophical frame of reference...is there anything else that matters other than those key words?

When I used that little app, and Facebook summarized 2012 for me, I did come to realize that I had a fairly decent year. My statuses did remind me that I have gone through some pretty major upheavals, but as I mentioned at the beginning of last year...with the help of my family and friends, I can get through anything the universe throws at me. Thankfully, none of us had to deal with the literal end of the world. However, the tragedies of the world have affected us in ways that have changed the world as we know it. It is still up to us to decide how that change will affect us, and how we will effect that change on the world around us. At a minimum, I pray that we will all be more tolerant, less violent, and show ourselves and each other, that there is goodness out there. I see it everyday in the people that I know and care about. I see the courage it takes to do the jobs that my EMS friends do. I see the humbleness in the soldiers I know. These are the people that hold a special place in my heart, and get a little extra prayer each night.

I added 27 new friends this year. Now how in the world could it ever be a bad thing if you have new friends?! Some of them are new-found friends and some of them are friends from long ago who have been re-found. Either way, I have more people who I enjoy trading jokes with, sharing pictures with, and generally learning about. I may not speak to them, personally, as much as I (or they) would like, but nothing changes the fact that these people are in my life for a reason, and I want them there. There will always be a place for each one of them in my heart, for as long as they want to be there, and even longer.

I had a couple pretty amazing vacations - a trip to the coast to visit my family and friends, and a more recent trip to Vegas to celebrate my 3rd anniversary with my hubby. Both of those trips are captured in pictures. Pictures that allow me to enjoy the memories of the time spent with my aunt and uncle, and fur-cousins. Time spent reconnecting with family that I always had, but didn't get a chance to spend time with. Time spent with friends who have become more like family because the more that I get to know new friends, and the more time I spend with old friends, the more I realize family is what you make of it. My anniversary trip helped me to just relax and be me again, that it's ok to be goofy, to just "be" and enjoy the day and those around you; not everything has to be planned and it's great to be spontaneous and see where the road takes you.

I went to a friend's wedding this year. I was honoured to be a part of it all, and to witness two wonderful people show all their friends and family how much they love each other and how much they want to support one another for the rest of their lives. I got to relive, through photos, the typical wedding craziness, the romance, and all the fun! As part of the festivities, I was invited to the "family rehearsal dinner". That night, I truly felt like part of the group, and I love the nickname I got as a result of those few days.

And apparently, I added 52 new pages liked to my profile this year. This one kind of surprised me as I didn't think I liked that much stuff!! I am thinking I am going to have to go through those and clear some of the out. This would be the only list I need to "clean up". Also, I was reminded that I haven't had a haircut since April...that MUST change!

I am sure that there were lots of things that happened in between all that was listed in my year in review - a lot of it I remember quite vividly. I had some pretty major conflicts at work; I had more emotional rollercoaster rides related to fertility issues, and dealing with the medical "profession"; and I went through a workforce reduction at work. From that, I will be heading back to school next year - thanks to a huge payout from the federal government. The thing is, when I compare it to what Facebook decided I should remember, I find that Facebook is right! I should be remembering only those specific things. Facebook has asked me to remember only those things that bring a smile to my face, a feeling of joy to my spirit, and a sense of love to my heart. So, thanks Facebook! Thank you for reminding me that I have a lot of love in my life, that I laughed a lot last year, that I made, and re-made, some great friends and that I have much to look forward to this year. You're a good person Facebook.

Finding our Family

Well we've started the journey to find our family; we've started the adoption process. Why adoption do you ask? Well, my doctors tell me that I'm not able to have kids, or at the very least it would be very, very difficult and would require a lot of intervention and drugs. I've got Polycystic Ovaries, and the doctors think I'm going through menopause - not perimenopause - but full on menopause. I think they are wrong. Everytime I go through a no-period period of a few months, I can usually bring it back with herbal supplements and vitamins and minerals. I also seem to have managed to get the PCOS under control using these same herbals, vitamins and minerals! Go figure!! However, I'm still not getting pregnant. As for the whole fertility treatments - it's not for me. I've had so many problems with my hormones and with my weight that I really don't want to put my body, or my sanity, through all that!!! Not to mention that there is NO WAY that we can afford the procedures! If I remember correctly, Alberta is the least expensive in the country (for those provinces where people still pay for it), but at $6000-ish a "pop" it's out of our reach. Maybe if we end up getting posted to Quebec I'll consider that option - but not right now!!

There's been so many emotions that have come along with this journey, and it's been hard to sort them all out and figure out where they are coming from. My therapist is helping me do that. I'm starting to come to the realization that hope is okay, and I don't need to be afraid of it. I'm also figuring out that it's also okay to be realistic, so long as it doesn't get negative. Does that mean that miracles can't happen? Nope! But it does mean that I can't obssess over it, or constantly wish and pray for it. I have to remember to live my life on one path...not four. I have to go with the decisions I've made and live my life with confidence. I've made the decisions I have for a reason. The hard part is trying to figure out when "enough is enough"...have I done enough, have I tried enough, have I explored all the options? I know I've explored all the options, but not all of them are right, or possible, for me...at least not right now. I'm working on keeping the hope in my life, without letting the result become an obsession...I will get what I want, one way or another, and I have to let the journey take it's course without trying to control every step. Steps have to be natural...I have to let them "be"...